Score: 5

"Goodbye"

submission: Red Moon

date: April 23, 2009

I am currently listening to John Lennon sing "Stand by Me." I declare this infinitely derivative side-scrolling to be the last Flash Game that I ever play. I've been doing this crap for years, and have finally realized that futility of trying to maintain this potential-draining lifestyle any longer. It's been a great run, Newgrounds, and I may miss you at some point, but it's all for the best.

Oh, and stop making games about samurais. They weren't that cool; they became those horrible Yakuza.

Score: 9

"Nice, Bra."

submission: Twilight: The Broodening

date: March 24, 2009

I love how you skewer Stephanie Meyer's writing style throughout this spoof.
Quick English lesson, boys and girls- YOU DON'T NEED TO FOLLOW EVERY SINGLE NOUN WITH AND ADJECTIVE, OR EVERY VERB WITH AN ADVERB.
Oh, and the rest of it was funny, too. :P

Also, it doesn't matter what myths are true about vampires or not because they AREN'T REAL. Not even those psi-vamps. "Oh, I can tell what other people are feeling! I must be a vampire!" No, seriously, who came up with that crap? How does that even make sense!? You wanna talk about disregarding vampire lore...

That, my friend, is more F-bombed up than a sparkly person.

Score: 6

"It was alright..."

submission: Jigsaw

date: October 29, 2008

The voice acting, music and artwork were stellar.
I don't mean to be a spoilsport, but if the person was deaf, why was he able to speak so clearly?
Also, I feel like the "flash cards" thing took the punchline further than it was able to go. It's like having sex- any "movement" immediately after the "climax" is kind of "painful". We've already been told that this man is deaf (whether we believe him or not)- belaboring the point adds nothing to the funny.

Score: 8

"More challenging, definitely."

submission: Prince of War 2

date: October 23, 2008

I like the first one, in both of its forms. It was simple, and the plot was entertaining.
Pros about this game:
-It's a bit harder. I appreciate that a lot. Nothing like getting attacked by those monkey things to get your blood pumping (and, in my case, boiling).
- Level select! Yeah, baby!
- I love the simplicity; why teh crap does every game now need friggin' stat upgrades or new equipment or God knows what else? I just want to play the damn game, not invest a portion of my life in it- that's what consoles are for.

Cons:
-Why were the cutscenes so long? It's not like I wanted to skip them completely- I'm a fast reader, and the boxes moved too slow for me to maintain interest. Perhaps if you had it like in the previous game, where you could skim through the text without having to dive immediately into battle. I still don't know the plot. Killing the guys on the right, though, is motivation enough for me.

Score: 5

"Nice animation, but the jokes..."

submission: Resident Evil For Retards

date: April 15, 2008

That was.. okay. You seem to have a problem with humor and pacing, though.
You don't have to "explain" your humor. That tends to ruin the pacing. We see Jill shooting at the door with a rocket launcher well enough, thank you. You don't need to point out that she's unable to destroy the door with said launcher because, again, we see the situation and we can make that deduction.
Every single joke in this Flash was ruined by you spending a good minute explaining why we should be laughing at the joke. Could you please not do that in the future?

Score: 10

"Hi-Yah! I'm a balance ninja!"

submission: Mass Attack

date: October 29, 2007

While it is impossible later on, this game kept me glued to my seat! This is the most fun I've had with balance since I went cow tipping that one time!

Score: 9

"Yet another reason for Americans to love Soccer..."

submission: Ultimate World Cup 20x6

date: October 23, 2007

#27: Wild zombies roaming the fields. :)

Score: 2

"Usually, blowing shit up is hilarious..."

submission: TerrorWar - Da PAYBACK

date: May 25, 2004

However, As I was doing this, I got the feeling that you, the creator of this, are a racist. That ultimately killed the mood of explosions. Call me a stupid hippie, but KILLING EVERYONE IN THE MIDDLE EAST seems like a stupid idea.

Score: 0

"You sick bastard..."

submission: Michael Jackson Statement

date: December 7, 2003

I'll let the whole issue be decided in court, but my god...... did you have to have the sexually explicit pictures of the cartoon characters? I lost all of my respect for you. Sorry.

Score: 8

"Jesus Tapdancing Christ...."

submission: Miss.Dynamite XIII

date: September 20, 2003

You are very fucked up. That was very, very, VERY traumatizing. Nevermind the worst was skipable, the very fact you made it is disturbing. Good movie overall, though.